Only a month and 5 days later, we are formally introducing Baby Sullivan James. He blessed our family 12/15/15 at 9:24pm and it's been an amazing, adventurous month since!
We had a scheduled induction set for the night of 12/17/15. At my appointment on 12/15/15, my blood pressure was a bit high but everything else seemed fine and my urine sample was negative for proteins, etc. They did bloodwork to double check everything was okay and sent me on my way home assuming all would be fine. The doctor said he would call if anything, but he assumed we would just see them Thursday night for the scheduled induction. To my surprise, at 12:30 pm while I was sitting at the computer doing work, I saw the doctor calling.
My heart started racing and I immediately knew they were calling me to come in and have our baby. 'Oh crap..oh gosh..oh gosh..' I repeated as I answered the phone with a low and scared "Hello...?"
"...your platelets are a bit low and the doctor wants you to come in to labor and delivery ASAP. Can you be here by 3?"
"...uh, yes..? I think.."? I responded. And then totally freaked as soon as I hung up. I did NOT anticipate this as we had a set date I fully anticipated making it to. Panic mode set in. We had nothing done for baby. I guess that's how a third baby goes. In my mind, I still had 2 days to get newborn diapers, wash all his clothes, pack a hospital bag, and straight up mentally prepare for this!
J had just gone to sleep after an overnight shift when I went in the room, attempting to hold back my panic mode and woke him up to say "..I have to go in now!"
J: "..huh? Like now? Why? But we don't have a name!"
Me: "Like..as soon as we're ready. They want me there by 3. My platelets are too low."
J: "What are they?"
Me: "95...?"
J: "Oh..yeah..low."
Me: (Panic a little more) "Is that bad? Should I be concerned?"
J: "Eh..they'll just monitor you." (His answer to everything..)
We scrambled to pack, wash baby clothes, figure out what needed to be done. E was still at school and I felt bad I hadn't been able to prepare her for us to leave for a few days and come home with a baby. Anxiety set in at the thought of giving birth. Oh the pain. The pain scared the crap out of me as I knew what level of pain to expect, yet the uncertainty of how every birth can be so different scared me even more. Everyone told me I got this. I should be used to this by now as it is my third. Nope, that's what makes it worse for me is knowing how painful it is! 'Maybe I'll just go ahead and get the epidural this time, people say that makes it much easier being able to sleep through contractions..' I thought while freaking out in the shower.
I hugged my babies extra tight and took one last photo as a family of 4 (+ Grizz!)
As I was walking out the door, E smiled at me and said "how 'bout we take one more pitcher mommy?! Is that a great idea?"
Upon arriving at the hospital, I was pretty much already in labor on my own. 4 cm dilated and contracting every minute.
"This should go quick," the nurse said. "It's your third and you're already in labor and at a huge advantage being 4cm already. Let's have this baby!"
"Please be right!!"
You can totally tell that's a nervous smile right there...!
In between the anxiety and nerves, I could not WAIT to meet our sweet boy. I couldn't WAIT for them to place him in my arms and lay chest to chest, skin to skin. I prayed that all would go well. I prayed to God, to my sister and aunt in heaven, to please help me and ensure all would go well and smooth. I was so scared and I can't even explain why! I couldn't wait to lay eyes on him and tell him Happy Birthday. I looked around the room and observed the very room that our little boy would enter this world in. Above everything, I just couldn't wait to meet our son.
I got into our room around 4:15pm. Pitocin was started around 5:45 pm. The anesthesiologist came in and said she wasn't comfortable giving me an epidural with my platelets being below 100. Awesome, I thought. I hadn't had an epidural with my previous labors, but this time KNOWING the option was not there, made the labor that much more painful and seemingly unbearable! They broke my water at 8:20pm and that is when $h!t got real!
I was leaned up against the side rails of the bed, hugging them so tightly as contraction after contraction, the pain got worse and worse and the contractions lasted longer and longer. I don't know if my eyes were closed or if I was just totally in my own world, but all I was thinking about was the pain, the fact that I wish somebody could help me (not sure how I wanted somebody to help me?!), and that I seriously wanted an epidural! 'I cannot think like this,' I thought!
Instead, I closed my eyes and through the pain, I just tried picturing the end point. I pictured him resting on my chest and that warm, cozy feeling. I pictured laying in bed in a post partum room and relaxing with our sweet new boy laying in the (what are those plastic baby bed things called?!) - well that's what I pictured. I couldn't wait for that moment. I pictured myself resting and just staring at our bundle of joy. I pictured basking in the moment of a brand new life. I pictured lots and lots of quiet cuddles with a swaddled up baby.
Changing my mindset significantly helped! And when I completely felt like it was time to push because my body was pushing on it's own without my effort, they checked me in between the insanely painful contractions only to let me know I still had a little ways to go. They left the room and within 5 minutes were right back due to my painful moans/screams/crazy-pregnant-woman-in-labor-sounds and somehow within those 5 minutes, I was at 10cm and ready to push.
"Okay, push," the nurse said.
'
Just push?' I thought! Isn't anyone going to help me - hold a leg, tell me to breath, count during the pushing..? Just plain and simple and casually push?! I thought to myself.
What felt like a million people flooded the room. The bright light was turned on and shone on me signifying this is it. The nurse called in the doctor for "Delivery!" It was time. It was the moment. I had no idea how much longer it would be, but I was THIS close to that amazing first chest to chest moment with our baby boy!
Aside from the staff, it was just J and I in the room. Just my husband and I getting ready to meet our boy. "He's almost here!" J bent down to whisper in my ear as giddy as can be! "We're about to meet him! What's his name going to be!? You're doing so great, baby! You're doing amazing!"
In that moment of time, completely unaware of all the chaos going on around me, I felt like I was the only one there. I was coaching myself in my head. 'You got this, just do this..do it quick..make it happen. Push as hard as you freakin can! Let's meet him NOW..just keep pushing. Push, push, push!" They had to remind me to take a breath every so often in between the intense pushing.
It had only been an hour since they broke my water, and then only about 3-5 minutes or so of pushing (thank GOODNESS!!), "Alright, here comes the head!" the nurses exclaimed. "Oh my gosh, here he comes, Charlene! He's almost here! We're about to meet him! Ready?! Here he comes!" J continued in so much excitement.
One final long and drawn out push, "Okay..Here he comes, here we go..." the nurses casually said. J was smiling, laughing, crying all at the same time as he curled his head and arms into my head to say "Oh my gosh, he's here..look at our baby!! Look at him!" Pure relief was all I could think about. Our baby boy was born at 9:24 pm.
"Do you want him on your chest now?" ..."Yes!!" I managed to get out in between my insane exhaustion!
And then, that moment I wish I could relive 1,000 times over again...
My baby was placed on my chest. I tried to look at his face, but the relief and the feeling of him curling up into me as cozy as can be made me just close my eyes and soak up the moment of meeting my baby for the first time. I hope I never forget the feeling of that fresh, squishy, newborn skin against my body! As with both other babies, I repeatedly asked if he was okay because he wasn't crying. "Of course," they said.."He's amazing. He's in his momma's arms - as comfortable and content as can be!"
I just laid my head back (the feeling of relief after that intense moment was wonderful) and I forgot the world around us.
Forgot about all the people in the room doing their jobs, forgot about all the worry leading up to this moment. In my mind, it was just us in that moment. Just Daddy, our new and nameless handsome boy, and me. I hope I never forget J's voice in that moment - his giddy, excited, smiling face as he wiped away tears and was proud as can be attempting to whisper, but not quite, while telling me how amazing I did and how amazing our baby boy is. We thought he looked just like his sisters and couldn't wait for them to meet him. But for now, it's just us. Just our time to enjoy him.
"Hi baby, I'm your momma! Happy Birthday!"
Once the nurses, doctors, techs, etc. left the room, it really was just us. They gave us our moment to cuddle and enjoy our fresh little boy. They gave us our moment to think about names and find the perfect fit for him. The first moments of meeting your baby and being a family is the best feeling in the world. For the rest of my life, I will wish that I could relive those amazing first moments with all 3 of my babies. I couldn't stop saying "I can't believe he's here! I am so relieved..he's here! Just like that, he's in my arms now! Thank goodness."
Daddy got to cut the cord and then have his moment with baby boy, too!
Baby S weighed in at 7 lbs 7.5 oz, 21" long.
We decided on a name, Sullivan James, about an hour after he was born and finally announced it to our family & friends! Not too long after that, we were swept away as a little family to our post partum room, where we had a quiet, relaxing night together just the three of us.
J still hadn't slept in over 24 hours pretty much and was scheduled to work again that night (which, luckily he was able to call in), so he slept like a baby that night! We couldn't wait for the girls to come meet their little brother. E walked in beyond excited, whispering as she came through the door so not to wake her baby. "Mommy, is the baby here?! Ooohh, Awwww, look at Baby Brother!" in her sweet whisper voice. She was a proud big sister indeed!
And then A just kept pointing and smiling, giddy about the new baby!
It's definitely amazing seeing your babies meet your baby after experiencing that moment with each of them!
We all spent the day oohing and aahing over sweet baby S, taking our turns getting our cuddles in with him.
Those moments in the hospital are the best. Of course you want to get home, but you'll never have those moments again, where the world truly revolves around your new baby and that is ALL you have to think about. No cleaning, no disciplining toddlers, no computer work to be done -- just cuddling, loving, and getting to know this brand new life!
We were still finding it hard to believe we actually had a boy! A whole new ball game from all the pink, sparkle and bows up in our house!
And still finding it hard to believe we are now a family of 5!
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Then came that moment where it was time to bring him home - time to introduce to him the real world; the outdoors, the car, our home, his room, his doggy, his sisters, HIS LIFE. Always a sentimental moment. On that wheelchair ride out those hospital front doors, I felt a little emotional thinking of his whole life ahead. Wondering what he was going to do with this life of his and having big dreams for him. It was all starting NOW.
We arrived home to see our sweet girls and J's parents and show Baby S the ropes.
The girls love their baby brother and he has brought so much joy to our family. We are all so blessed.
Welcome to the world, Sully Bear!
